ONLY GOD KNOWS

On December 22, 2006, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As a professional dancer for over 15 years, I have always lived a healthy and active life. I have no history of breast cancer in my family, I was only 31 years old at the time and living with my roommate in Santa Monica.

While rehearsing for my annual E Plus Productions New Years event, I painfully strained a muscle in my chest, or so I thought. During our breaks, I would massage the area and I ended up discovering a lump. I immediately had all the necessary tests completed, but several days later it was determined to be cancer.

My journey over the past 4 years has been one that I've shared with many friends and family, but few strangers realize by looking at me that my body has gone through the ringer! I began with 2 lumpectomies, then onto chemo, decided on a double mastectomy with breast reconstruction, and began a variety of medications. For 6 months we all thought things were under control, but then I started feeling some unusual pain in my sternum that bothered me.

On February 18, 2008 right at the end of my final reconstruction surgery, the plastic surgeon found a lump in my chest muscle. It was determined to be breast cancer once again. After a couple of weeks of tests and scans, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer which had spread through my blood stream and lymph nodes to my bones and had turned into stage 4. Radiation to follow…

My world seemed to be falling apart at a rapid speed. My family and I were devastated, but I was determined to keep fighting and I set many goals for myself to keep busy. My mom discovered a doctor in Korea who seemed to be a pioneer in stem cell therapy. In May 2008, just a couple DAYS after getting married, my mom and I were on a plane to Korea. While in Korea, I met Rising Star Healer, John and we quickly became friends. He was there with HIS father who was suffering from cancer too. In Korea, I received stem cell therapy, DNA/Gene Therapy from Dr. Moon, Rising Star Healings and fellowship with John, and a variety of other toxic medications given to me by my Kaiser doctors. I also did my best to combat this thing with my diet and various supplements, but I was required to eat red meat for the production of healthy red blood cells, and that didn’t fit with my diet regime. At the time II just did what I was told and had FAITH that everything would work! When mom and I left Korea 36 days later, the cancer had vanished from my sternum bone, chest wall, lymph nodes and sacrum, but there was still a bit left in other areas of the bone. Nonetheless, we were ecstatic and I was ready to get back home and start life with my new husband.

After returning home, the next step in Dr. Moon’s protocol was beginning 2 more toxic drugs called Herceptin and Avastin. Dr. Moon and my doctors in the U.S. had conflicting opinions on whether I even needed Herceptin, but after a long fight I tested borderline for needing the Herceptin. After only 2 treatments, I was feeling like I was going to have a heart attack from this drug. While waiting for the doctor to see me at my next appointment, I felt very unsettled in my core, and something told me to leave. This didn’t feel right to me anymore. I was just chasing the cancer around and acting out of fear. I got up and left Kaiser…not telling them. I panicked and went off all my medications at once. I had been researching Dr. Young and his alkaline protocol for several months prior, and decided to jump on HIS band wagon instead. Very, very difficult transition for me. I did alternative treatments on a weekly basis of far-infared sauna, lymphatic massage, colonics, IV of sodium bicarbonate treatments, and herbal supplementation. I went alkaline/vegan the best I could.

However, In June 2009 I was in terrible pain again to the point I could not walk without help. A petscan showed that there were NEW lesions in the spine, femurs, hips and pelvis. For the entire next year I was in and out of the hospital. My husband and I separated and I was living with my folks in Orange County. I went through 3 more major surgeries. First was a spine surgery (L4 fusion w L3 and L5) where tumors had deteriorated vertebrae, close to fracturing. Next, I was transferred to Kaiser, Baldwin Park for pelvis and femur surgery. Titanium rods were placed inside each femur bone for stabilization, and metal plate and screws were inserted in upper left pelvis for stabilization. I Received 3 blood transfusions during the surgery. Next up was radiation to the affected areas, and ANOTHER spine fusion 6 months later.

This ALL seemed SO unfair. My body was NOT winning and my life seemed to be coming to an end. More lesions had formed on the skull and radiation was no longer an option. I was forced to look outside the box again and again. I was SO tired of making decisions. Thank the LORD I had my family, amazing friends and even STRANGERS to support me through this! Eventually I came to the understanding that I needed to put my sword down for awhile and allow GOD to guide me. I seemed to forget about HIM throughout this process. I felt HE abandoned me, and I was SO angry! How could this happen to someone like me?! I felt helpless, hopeless, confused, ashamed, hurt, guilty….you name it! I was forced to simplify my life to the bare minimum. However, somehow during the process, my senses began to awaken. I turned within and asked Jesus to take the wheel…”I’m ready for you. I’m so extremely tired and I need your help.”

Once I allowed the Lord back into my life, MIRACLES began to occur. I can’t even begin to count how many. It seemed every day was getting better and better. My friends and family once again rallied together for a fundraiser in my honor and that gave me a solid goal to shoot for! My body was still very fragile from surgeries, I was on a home care program and could only crawl on hands and knees. My doctors were assuming the next step for me would be hospice. This is where I turned around and said, “Um, excuse me?? Who are YOU to decide my fate?? I was at my limit and became fed up with ALL of it! One day, I launched my walker out the patio door and yelled out to the world…”This IS MY LIFE! ONLY GOD KNOWS!” And a variety of other harsh words that scared my mom….sorry mom. But, I WALKED for the first time in months! I wasn’t apologizing. Whether that doctor was right or wrong, she just added the perfect amount of fuel to my fire to get better!! 2 weeks later, I was up walking with a cane and speaking words of gratitude at my fundraiser! AHHHHH!! It felt AMAZING, and I LOVED being back with all my talented collegues, friends and family! I will never forget that day!

Thank you to my beautiful friend Levi Walker and every other ANGEL who participated in the NoHo Pac Grand Opening, July 30, 2010! It is a day I will cherish for as long as I live!

It is now Friday, August 27, 2010 and I am alive and well!! My body is still in some pain and it is difficult to walk, but THIS kind of pain is different. This IS surgical pain. I know the difference now. I may still have some residual cancer in the spine, but I know it will soon disappear for good. Mind over matter, baby! In the meantime, I AM on chemo, tamoxifen, pain meds and a steroid until I’m “in remission” (whatever THAT means ;) ) And I am slowly incorporating the alkaline protocol back into my life. Slow and steady. It seems to be ALL about a perfect balance of the body/mind/spirit. The trick is to maintain this balance at every moment of every day. This is my new goal. This is my NEW life. I am happy that GOD is on my side and I am even more happy to be alive to share this story. As my Kevin cousin always used to say, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy, and Get Busy Living!”

Thank you to all my beautiful Angels on earth and in Heaven..…I couldn’t do this without you!

LOVE AND GRATITUDE ALL WAYS,
Trycia Carlberg