Since my last blog in November, I had been living in a place of constant fear, anxiety, and confusion. My surgeries were all successful and I was now able to walk with a cane, but I still needed more and more radiation. It seemed that every time I finished radiation on one part of my body, NEW pain was popping up in other areas. Just as I was gaining more strength and confidence, radiation would lower my blood counts and drop my energy back down. I was so tired of these ups and downs...I was in a state of limbo and I couldn't break out of it. This is when I decided it was time to start setting some goals in my life. If I had a limited amount of time to live and this is what my life was going to be like, it was time to do something exciting. I had just finished reading "Eat, Pray, Love," which gave me additional hope, courage, and determination to get outta dodge.Peru was one of my first thoughts for a spiritual getaway, so I started planning for a trip in March. But March seemed so far away...it was only November. I needed change and I needed it NOW! My mom and I were shopping one day at a metaphysical store near home and started talking to the store owner about healing places to visit. She recommended we visit the healing vortexes of Sedona, Arizona. Neither of us had ever been to Sedona or knew what a vortex was, but we loved the sound of it! We booked a trip for the week before Christmas. I can't even begin to tell you how incredible our trip was! SO much beauty, solitude, peace and hope was found on this journey. The views from the Red Rocks were breathtaking. The air was crisp and clean, and the experience was nothing less than magical. We met some amazing people, including a holistic doctor who offered us a lot of hope in some cutting-edge alternative therapies. (if you know me, you KNOW I'm all about cutting-edge, "out of the box" thinking.) He advised us, however, that some dental work be done first for these therapies to be most effective. Highly toxic amalgam fillings and other hidden cavitations needed to be removed as they were likely contributing to the cancer. Then bio-oxidative treatments could be administered to get oxygen back into the anaerobic cells. We were anxious to continue researching these theories. This was not brand new information to us. We just hadn't been able to thoroughly explore these options due to the need for emergency surgery back in August. Our plan was to get a dental evaluation done, get the mercury removed, and then I would move to Sedona for a few months to receive these promising holistic treatments. SO EXCITING! Everything seemed to be falling into place.
By January 1st 2010, I was able to walk on my own without a cane. I was beginning to regain some of my long lost energy, I found a wonderful woman who offered to rent out a room in her home just BLOCKS from the doc in Sedona. OH, but one thing.....I had absolutely NO idea how I was going to pay for any of this...haha! Of course insurance doesn't cover these things, so Mom and I were just praying for abundance and remembering that "we get what we need when we need it." I set up an appointment with a holistic dentist to get some xrays and a cavitat scan done to see the level of toxicity hidden in my mouth. The results showed a fair amount.....around $15,000 worth of cavitation clean up, oral surgery, and mercury removal....no big whoop! I held it together pretty well while at the dentist's office, but when I got home and I told my parents, I completely lost it! I felt so hopeless and so overwhelmed with emotion. How the hell does anyone with cancer expect to get better when the most promising treatments are completely unaffordable?? I just wanted to get to Sedona for the OTHER therapies! I didn't know the dental portion of the equation would be such an enormous setback! Back to square one...fear, anxiety, confusion and NOW ANGER! I was so incredibly disappointed, and now I had to tell my friends "change of plans!" again.
Of course I went into hiding once again to figure things out. I cried, I prayed, I meditated, I researched, and I slept...A LOT. Interestingly enough, my dreams are where I received most of my answers. I felt most peaceful and hopeful when I awoke from a dream. I started writing everything down...EVERYTHING. Powerful insights began to emerge, flickers of clarity were developing, something incredible was happening. I was listening to my soul for guidance and it was answering. It seemed that my subconsious was working out all my relationship issues, problems and fears within my dreams. I was becoming more and more aware of myself and my patterns in life. I was overcome with compassion for other people who were suffering. I would consume myself in "figuring out the answers" to life's most difficult questions. I would go back and forth between surrendering and fighting; ego and spirit. I didn't know how to give up control and allow things to unfold naturally...except for in my dreams. I wanted to save the world. I began meditating more, praying more...being very specific. One day my dad asked how my pain levels were and if I was feeling any new pain. I told him "No, I prayed it all away last night!" I began working with the Archangels, with my spirit guides, with my grandmother, with crystal energy, essential oils, candles, even a rosary given to me from the Vatican. I prayed to God, Jesus, Buddah, the Divine Mother, Saints, anyone I could think of. And then I released it all. I was tired...really tired.
I asked family and friends for guidance in getting second and third opinions from other dentists. SO many to choose from! I decided to go with Dr. Harold Ravins, a holistic dentist near Santa Monica who came highly recommended. Dr. Ravins has worked with many cancer patients in the past and I felt he would understand my situation best. I knew after our consult that he was not just a dentist, but a scientist, a healer and a caring man. He has offered a wealth of knowledge already and is aware of my financial limitations at this time. We are formulating a plan together to spread out the procedures throughout a longer period of time while still achieving optimum results. He delves deep. Through energetic testing or "skaysis," he has found my cancer to be 40% emotional, 60% chemical. Other findings were deficiencies in vitamin C, D, selenium and of course high levels of mercury toxicity. Mindset is also a huge part. I have to trust the process and believe that I am PERFECTLY HEALTHY NOW. He has several tools and techniques for learning this. If you think of the mind like a computer and everything you put into it is data, what data would you include? There are very simple ways to reprogram your mind to eliminate negativity, fear, dis-ease, and replace it with positivity, love and perfect health. I love it because it confirms what I've already been learning on my own. Good stuff.
Well, I have many more experiences and insights to share but for now I need to call it a night. I'm exhausted. I've learned to trust my body and the messages being sent....yep, I'm real tired. :) Until next time....Love, Light and Laughter! Good journey...T
